Note that it is envy, not jealousy ah… (careful hor, or else I sue you).
I was almost as excited as May when she MMS me all the way from Japan, where she had her true love from another true love as her early birthday present!
I can’t wait to see the Chanel 2.55 which Gary bought for her over there which comes with a hefty near $5k price tag, and the colour is not available in Singapore yet.
So nice!! I know how long she has been hankering for it, and I am just glad it will keep her very happy for her upcoming birthday. I think she is totally deserving of it after all her hard work, and her thoughts that went into his surprise party.
I also want to find a husband. Correction, a doting husband.
Those available out there already go bring others go Bali for Valentine’s, and unless I splurge on plastic surgery intensively to net myself one of those old men (cough, Singapore, cough, dawn, cough, plastic, cough, liar, cough), I think very hard leh.
I must save very long you know.
And when I save the money, I will be wondering to “zhng” myself first, or should I buy myself a bag. Then I will remember that I have too much to zhng, and I don’t think I can give the Chanel bag any justice
Not forgetting I have a big purchase coming up, and also, preparing myself for the days when my parents are going to ask money from me again(yah, parentS, no longer parent).
That’s why I have been having free lunches for the whole of this week, with the exception of Monday(D: Have you paid for lunch this week? T: Got! Monday! D: Cool! Me too!).
Not that we are cheapos, but it just happened that this week we have met quite a bit of vendors, and the colleague who is on his last day today gave us a treat on Tuesday.
So many wants, so many lusts.
So I will just be looking forward to see May’s new bag when she comes back to the office, and be careful not to drool over it!
Seriously, there is nothing to update. And the too happening stuff are too overwhelming for a peaceful space like this. You know, like seriously, after I tried to tame this space and make it a boring-er and less scandalous space, it has became the way I like it, boring, anti-socially and absolutely yawn-inducing.
So you will never really know what you are getting. Hurhurhur.
Half the week has passed, and I am still feeling totally anti-social.
I finally finished with Jodi Picoult’s Perfect Match and I have OD-ed on her books(though I am still quite looking forward to The Pact).
Thus, I am now reading Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons.
I slept an incredible 11 hours yesterday, with the book in my hand, and only woke up this morning, in time for work.
I reach home very “on-time” these days, never venturing out in the evening, just to make sure I am not over-spending. I even took a bus, went through all the motion-sickness, so that I could strug.. sashay in my heels to get myself a nice dinner yesterday evening, just so to reward myself.
Not very good move, especially after a heavy lunch at Sentosa with my colleagues to bid farewell to a nice colleague. It’s a nice place, and we should head there for lunch more often. What an indulgence! Though I must remind myself not to turn up in slippers cos it will just risk me being turn away.
I feel like I am a beach whale, like seriously.
Was at a shoot today, and the male model was trying to “educate” us his theory on diet, and I tsk-tsked at myself for all the wrong things I have been doing.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am into my Day 7(actually, more…), and for that, I gave in to one, and realised I don’t quite miss it.
I faltered.
***
“There’s something I quite never tell you before. I don’t ever like her from the start, cos of all the bad vibes she gave me.”
And when you see certain things clearer, you might realise all the signs were there, just that, maybe, you just didn’t want to believe.
And maybe, that’s why, all that came out from Ting today, is nothing but negativity, that reeks of cynicism and drips of merciless sarcasm.
Sadly, those are meant for people, who were once, close to our hearts.
We were in the midst of discussion when I felt the itch.
And so, the next time when you see me folding and unfolding my arms incessantly, and holding them close to my chest, it may just be a nipple itch I can’t scratch and can’t wait to do so.
The morning started with my dad giving me a lift to work, and we spoke of the routine stuff, as well as how baby is doing.
My glasses had fell apart and he was trying to fix it for me as I went about brushing my teeth, blind as a bat.
I got to work, and then I realise I do enjoy the solitude, and the quietness.
I haven’t been feeling extremely social, and the weekend was a great indicator of such.
I got home early on Friday (slightly after 6pm), and I washed my hair, and fell asleep by 7pm, after I had strummed by guitar (the Wii set, not MY set).
I thought it would be a short nap, until I was roused to consciousness by a phone call at 3.30am.
I slept more than I would on normal nights when it was just a nap.
I read the news, caught up on my Dai-dee games on viwawa, and did a little bit of reading. All the time, not leaving my bed.
I went back to sleep at 7, and the next time I saw was past 12 noon.
I read and read and read. I surfed and surfed and surfed. I rocked and rocked and rocked. I blogged and blogged and blogged. I dai-deed and dai-deed and dai-deed.
And then it was evening.
I spent the bulk of time reading, finishing by 6-ish, just when Shaun, Mao and Effy reached my place with dinner in tow.
And then, we started mahjong early, and ended early, cos we all had things to do.
It was a great evening, and a nice way to ahem, release the pent up stress we had over the week.
With the early session of mahjong, I managed to doze off pretty swiftly on a Saturday night, at 2am.
And when Sunday came, it was…. gasp…. 4pm!
I woke up, and the same old routine happened again, and I started on a new book, Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult. I was enticed by the story until half way through the book when it got too depressing for me to read. I didn’t quite like Vanishing Acts, or rather, I didn’t like it at all.
Some books just leave a bad taste in your mouth and I just have to remind myself a lot of things can’t go with whatever we want, and there is little point of wanting everything my way.
The night concluded with me trying to sleep, and could hardly do so, as I believe I had overdosed on sleep over the weekend.
I wanted to wake for the Spain V Germany match, and as always, it didn’t quite happen.
But for once, Spain didn’t break my heart, and I am one very happy girl.
***
Much things have changed in the office, with the resignation of a very senior colleague. I am not close to him for sure, but it is something that is out of the expectation I guess.
But changes in life are inevitable, isn’t it? People move on, and people just want to be in a better place.
So I guess, while coping with the sense of loss, we know that everyone is growing, moving on, and perhaps, happier.
I am not sure how this will change things in office, but I am sure this is just going to be a start. For the better? For worse?
I have been wanting to write about this since last week, but just didn’t seem to have the time(and urge) to finally got down to doing it.
And somehow, what happened the night before kinda set the tone for a morose-filled weekend, and aptly touch the topic I had wanted to blog about.
All thanks to Brian, who extended an invite to me to attend an event by Ogilvy on 18th June, which allowed me the chance to meet the vivacious, shamelessly sentimental, and wonderfully talented Yasmin Ahmad, as well as getting acquainted with her brilliant productions which I would otherwise never know.
The socially awkward Brian met the socially awkward Ting, and it was pretty funny when I joked to Effy and her sister Banana, when I read the press kit and saw what was quoted of the director.
“While many of us value the relationships we have with our family members, not everyone is fortunate enough to grow up in a two parent household with all the comforts of life. I wanted to portray something from the cliches and connect with the audience on a more intrinsic level: that we can all find love in the family from the relationships we have.” — Yasmin Ahmad
“Hey, now I can see why I am invited!”
Brian shyly interrupted, “Uh, sorry for eavesdropping, but quite honestly it was indeed so.”
I laughed at his honesty which I deeply appreciated, as prior to the event, I was seriously wondering why I was invited, and promptly dragged Effy and Banana along.
All of us were pretty much lazy and yet, we still turned up, after surviving a long walk to The Screening Room. Yet, when we left, we were all glad we did, and it left us feeling warm and fuzzy for days to come.
We were first treated to a series of Yasmin Ahmad’s past work for Petronas, and I later sheepishly admitted that I teared in the theatre-liked darkness.
Of course there was one that made all of us coo, and laugh.
Tan Hong Ming In Love:
Though I must say I love the one about the reunion dinner. It made me cry. But I can’t seem to find the youtube link for it.
And the reason why we were all there for, the film that was about family, which some of you would have seen aired over the television these days.
FAMILY.
After the lights came on, Yasmin explained her ideas behind the film, when some of the guests questioned her concept of what constitutes a family.
Effy and I were annoyed at how some of the people could be so narrow-minded, and telling Yasmin how Singaporeans will not be able to relate to it.
One of them commented that “At home, we have one set of grandparents and a set of parents, and four of us could hardly manage, and it is hard for us to imagine how one parent can handle like in the film.”
Like, seriously?!
And they went on and on about how Singaporeans cannot accept this kind of concept, cos it ain’t real.
Like hello? In the ad, the mother died early, and the thing is, I have friends who lost BOTH their parents since young, and had their uncles/aunties raising them, and to them, they are never less of a family, you know? You can control one meh?!
And then there was one who commented how can a father be that patient, and it isn’t realistic.
And knowing how socially awkward I can be, my colleagues, friends and ex-schoolmates could verify how I HATE TO SPEAK OUT PUBLICLY. Especially in front of strangers.
I just loathe the feeling of having my tongue tied, and having all the eyes on you when you start speaking.
By then, Effy turned to me with her eyes rolled, “aren’t you gonna say something?”
When Yasmin turned her head to us, I found myself speaking. I immediately regretted the moment I did.
I found myself speaking of my Dad. The one who is a known tyrant to my mum, his family and his brothers.
The one who has no patience for almost anything, with the exception of me, and Minibean.
And then I spoke of the awkwardness that grew as I stepped into teenagehood, and how I always assumed he couldn’t understand, and was angry with him even, cos I was just, angry.
I thought of the days when Mum was not around and he would take care of me with plenty of clumsiness. We became untidy, we burnt a pot when he was cooking and threw away the evidence, making a pact that we would not tell Mum.
I thought of the cold-wars I had with him when I couldn’t get my way, before my guilt would consume me when he walked into the room in silence. And the guilt would have killed me when he returned home the next day with the ransom I demanded, so I would free all those stubbornness, and finally release the smiles.
I must have been really young back then, but my memory bank still serves me well.
I thought of how close we were when I was a mere kid, how he used to piggyback me and carry me around even though I was of my present height, back when I was twelve.
It was a journey of emotions when the film was aired.
And then I thought of how things changed as he aged, when he had that major heart attack, and he was no longer playing hide-and-seek with me, or going on to roller coaster rides with me.
I believe I could understand, but I just simply didn’t want to.
These days, I look at how he has aged, and I would feel sad.
Of course, there were much things on my mind I never did get to speak about, cos my nervousness got the better of me.
And then, there was also Minibean.
10 or 15 years down the road, will she be harbouring the same attitude towards me cos I didn’t give her what she wants? Or what she deserves?
And I laughed at the detail when the father said, “Your daughter ah!”, which I said once too often when totally exasperated.
There are too many other complicated elements that I perhaps will never get out of my system but they don’t quite matter when you simplify all things, and you realise, what you have with each family member, can form little snippets of the ad.
I could visualise what I could have with my Mum, and it just makes me realise it is just the simplest things we often overlooked, yet it is them which show us the most.
I was a floodgate of emotions that night.
And I am just gutted that at this point of my life, I couldn’t give them more, when they need it.
I wonder if I am more of a burden than a relief for them.
I never have the chance to tell them, nor would I ever, I think, cos “traditionally”, this is just not how things work, isn’t it?
Even a simple word of thanks, is not something we normally would say, cos it just seems so mushy and awkward.
But yes, if I could string a sentence of what I mean but could never say, it would have the words “sorry”, “thank you”, “love” all in them.
I so shouldn’t have splurged on the Rock Band. I so shouldn’t have spent on things I don’t really need. I so shouldn’t have eating expensive meals that make me fat. I shouldn’t have taken a cab yesterday.
I so shouldn’t.
I am still stuck here, going no where.
I wish I can get out of the predicament.
I don’t know how to.
***
I sang. I rocked. I played till my hands were numbed from the aircon wind.
I read.
I played Dai dee.
I was just pretty restless and feeling at ease and peaceful in my personal space.
Then Dad’s call came. There was just something he was saying and wasn’t saying.
And this probably sets the mood for me, for a long time to come.
It has been a relatively crazy day at work, with me barely warming my seat for more than half an hour today.
Which is good, cos it keeps me awake after I had barely enough sleep last night.
In a moment of folly, I invested in something I had never quite believe in.
Forgive me, for I have sinned. I had gotten myself(I share with friend one lah!) ROCK BAND for Wii!!! WOOOHOOO!
And I don’t even own a Wii set! I must be mad or crazy!!!!
I think I “performed” over 50 songs yesterday, singing, drumming, strumming, and after 3 hours did I realise that I wasn’t in the mode that will enable unlocking of songs.
DUH!
Wah lau, I didn’t know I was that multi-talented.
I sat in bed, with my duvet covering me, leaning back on the thick hill of pillows. Sibei enjoy.
I didn’t leave my bed for dinner nor anything else(except for toilet breaks), until 2am.
Today is linked by a series of meetings, and I am very much tempted to give Playeur event a miss to go home to my Rock Band.
***
Random exchange over email:
“Tsk tsk, you are part of the Confused Ambiguous Team.” said me.
“The biggest CATs I know are …….(fill in the blanks).” was the reply.
“Tsk tsk. You are the biggest cat I know lah.” said me.
I have never quite noticed the trend, and it took me quite a while to even figure it out myself - my preferences for soccer players are pretty distinctive.
And it took me like 16 long years to even realise it for myself!!!! And yes, the realization only hit me uhm, couple of minutes ago, and the excitement(DUH!) hit me and prompted this post.
Yes baby, I think I have a soft spot all along(you know, it is like finding your g-spot for the first time and never knew it existed?!).
A soft spot for… goalkeepers!
It all started in 1994.. when there was a flamboyant(his outfits are often.. uhm, eyecatching haha), petite keeper from Mexico, who got me rooting for Mexico back then.
Jorge Campos. He is only my height(less than 1.7m), but one of the most intriguing and agile goalkeepers ever, in my opinion. In fact, my little crush on him lasted till 1998, and by then, age was already catching up on him, and was the last time I saw actions from him in his last world cup appearances.
Jorge Campos now owns a fastfood franchise, and many didn’t know he was an established striker as well, and there were times in the 2nd half, he would change his goalkeeping gear, and play striker, with a 2nd choice keeper substituting someone else.
And then, there is my all-time Manchester United hero. Peter Schimeichel.
He is a legend. My hero. Period. His presence, his contribution. Wow. And I still replay the header he scored on youtube on and off.
Initially when Spain Vs Russia, my wifey asked me who I was rooting for, and I was quick to say Spain. She told me to support Russia cos I had just recently returned from there(which means she had bets on Russia. Haha).
And I was telling everyone I was split on my decision for last night’s match, cos as much as I love Azzurri, I was hoping Spain could go further than they could.
Anyway. Now, I digress.
When Bernard, Lauren, Effy and me were playing mahjong one fine day, when Spain was playing Sweden, this was the conversation that went on.
“Ljungberg is so fucking hot. The bulge, baby! The bulge! Have you seen his bulge? Ssssss (you know, the sizzling, painful sound people tend to make?)….” cooed Effy.
“Oh God. My baby! He is soooooooooo cute. He is getting cuter with age. I mean, hello? He can be an Elfish double for LOTR!” cooed Tingy, over her baby.
The guys stared on at the 2 bimbos, and shook their heads in disbelief.
And plenty of X-rated conversations went on.
At the end of the match, Spain emerged, and I spoke like a proud mama, with hand on chest, “My baby won!”.
When the statistics came on, Effy said, “My poor baby! He ran XX km! He must be so tired!”.
If I remember correctly, Ljungberg covered the 2nd highest distance that night. “My poor baby! He must have been so lonely, he hardly had any actions for the night.” I said with a bimbo sigh.
Spain commanded most of the game, and there were hardly any action on their half.
“Your baby defender ah?” Effy asked.
“Nope! *giggle* Goalkeeper!”
Yes darling, the guy I had once commented on his big hands. Iker Casillas.
So cute. My age you know?
Coincidentally, the time when I blogged about him back in 2004, it was a piece on my broken heart too(Italy was out of Euro, after Spain was out).
Anyway. His Dad had once predicted the results to 15 matches, and the results were enough to make him a millionaire. Casillas was the one responsible for placing the bets for the lottery, and apparently, he had not done so that time. Hahahaha. So pai kia! I like.
Remember how a few days ago I said Gianluigi Buffon is sooooo charismatically cute? But he is taken. By someone impossibly gorgeous.
Le sigh.
He looks so much older yet he is just a couple of years older than me. So charming, you know?
And I am amazed by how humble these 2 captain-goalies are. With Buffon going up to Casillas, saying “I’m not the best, you are” after their penalty shoot-out last night.
There are already constant debates on who is the best keeper between them both, and to me, it is still a very tough fight. Cos maybe, my heart is still with the Big Dane.
Nonetheless, I wish Spain would go all the way to make up for the heartaches they caused me over the years.
In the dark, I wasn’t sure whose tears those were anymore.
I can be as destructive as I want, history has a brilliant record of such. Sometimes much more so, even.
Go away. Go away.
Self-protection is such strange, little thing.
It is easy not to be happy, cos you won’t ever wonder if happiness has an expiry date of its own. When you are happy, you are constantly thinking of ways of maintaining it, and wondering when it will slip you by.
Once bitten, twice shy, thrice….fool, a fucking one that is.
Sometimes I think some people are just not capable of being happy, cos insecurities are just too much of a bitch to handle.
As for those who think they can make a difference, who are they kidding?
Let me in to see you in the morning light to get me on and all along the tears they come see all come I want you to believe in life but I get the strangest feeling that you’ve gone away will you find out who you are too late to change? I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time some times lift me up just lift me up don’t make a sound and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground see all come you say you’re all right but I get the strangest feeling that you’ve gone away- you’ve gone away and will you find out who you are too late to change? I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time I wish I could be every little thing you wanted all the time some times Don’t give me up don’t give me up tonight or soon nothing will be right at all salvation will you find out who you are too late to change? I wish I could be every little thing you wanted
Like the woman obsessed, my weekend revolved around my latest obsession.
People who know me would tell you how much I resent console gaming, simply because I suck badly at it.
But on Friday, I stopped by at Effy’s simply because I wanted to play guitar hero. My virgin attempt at Arvind’s sucked so badly that I refused to give myself a second chance of potentially embarrassing myself in front of others again.
So, this was going to be the first time I played since half a year ago.
I couldn’t stop cursing, and it was easy to distract Effy when she played against me with a certain taboo topic, and it was the only chance my EASY could win her MEDIUM.
I was hooked.
And then, we played mahjong till 4am, before I made my way back home.
The next day, I could feel my left arm aching ever so slightly, and my fingers were a little stiff.
Daniel picked me up from home to head over to Wenmei’s, where I was assigned the role of jerking the balloon pump off.
By now, I could feel both my arms evening out as the ache took over my right arm.
And then, Mr Koh decided to set up the Wii. OMG! My virgin attempt at wii!!!
Since I am now blogging from blogger before I cut and paste onto wordpress(fuck the hassle!), I shall post pictures! Whee!
With Eileen! Love that girl!
Birthday boy with the wife who planned for the surprise party! I hung up the balloons behind them! Of course, I was the hand behind the job that pumped them up.
I have no idea why I look so auntie here, but this is me with the babes!
Birthday boy with his X-rated birthday present. He even shot a glance towards his parents to make sure they weren’t looking!
We people!
Lihui and I acting cute. Lihui is back from Shanghai! For good!
I was careful not to be photographed while playing the Wii for obvious reasons. Haha. The boxing game was my favourite, and by the end of the session, I could feel my back, neck, arms, everywhere(!!!!) aching!!
We played Saboteur, and we were the first-timers!
The game never ended cos of the intrusion of 2 disgusting cockroaches, one of which stoned to death, and another suffered a merciless stampede from one of the chaps.
He is sooooooo sooooooo cute and smelt so nice! 9 months old baby boy.
Uma, who must be suffering from heartache now that Italians are out of Euro. I feel ya sista.
Eileen helping to put 30 candles onto the cake.
Pornqueen alert!
We played card games till late, and the non-drinker in me means I had it easy with green-tea as my forfeit.
After rounds of card games with the girlies, I suddenly thought fondly of the guitar hero, and promptly made my way over though it was past midnight.
I rocked to Paint it black(which someone always say it reminds him of me) and Barracuda! I am a rock chick! Of course, it was a torture to those playing mahjong as I brutally murdered the classics.
And I could even indulge in a little of my wifey’s mahjong game, before the thunder struck and I made a mad dash home in the midst of “Xi” wind.
Hahaha, I was like telling myself I better not get myself into an accident, or the very pantung Effy would definitely attribute it to the fact that I didn’t finish my wind.
But I guess the piercing cold wind and heavy downpour was bad luck itself, and I was so worried that I wrapped my frail little body round my bag and the wii so they wouldn’t get drenched. Thank God it was only for a short distance, and I reached home safely(I was more worried about being struck by lightning).
Cosily slept in, and spent Sunday out with baby, and she is so cute these days as she would pull the adults’ hands to make them dance with her.
But when I woke up, I couldn’t quite move as I felt all the tensions in my muscles.
I couldn’t even carry my baby, and had to leave her in the pram or let her walk by herself.
Though I was holding her tight when she was sleeping. I was quite sure I couldn’t feel my arms thereafter.
But, it didn’t stop me from dropping by Wenmei’s place to pick up the Wii adaptor, and head home for more boxing and bowling.
From the virgin who was laughed by the chaps, I managed to finish the game with 202 points(which set a new notveryhigh record)! Woohoo!
So I only have myself to blame when I woke up today with worse bodyaches, and could even feel my butt cheeks aching.
